|
Disclaimer: Marvel would shoot me if they saw what I was doing
with them. Well, either that, or they would hire me post-haste
to get more books sold.
Dedication: To Cynny, who pouted.
Apocalyptic Dimentia 4: The Parent Trap "OZYMANDIAS." "Yes, sire?" "I DEMAND THAT YOU FIND ME MANY PARENTING BOOKS. YOUNG STRYFE IS LOOKING NEGLECTED." "Parenting? Yes, sir." "MEANWHILE, I'M GOING TO GO DEFEAT BALDUR'S GATE." "Uh, sir?" "YES?" "Might I suggest that you name your heir something other than... Stryfe?" "FINE. I'LL CALL HIM LUKE." -- After having read the best the internet and many bookstores have to offer, Apocalypse demanded that Ozymandias buy him a TV and cable. "Uh... Cable, sir?" "NOT THAT CABLE. I WANT THE KIND THAT BRINGS IN WONDERFUL TELEVISION GOODNESS." "Oh! Ah... Well... " "NOW, OZY." "Yes, *sigh* sir." A day later, and all was prepared. Apocalyspe sat down the two-year-old Stryfe--er, Luke--(already irritated with life enough to have killed many bugs and worms) in front of the TV. "I love you, you love me...." "OZYMANDIAS, YOU WILL MONITOR THE HEIR. I HAVE IMPORTANT THINGS OF STATE TO TAKE CARE OF." "Yes, m'Lord." -- Days passed. Ozymandias watched the heir, in-between juggling the duties of being His High Lord's Chamberlain and Dogsbody. It was during one of Ozy's few moments of calm that Apocalypse came to visit with his heir. "Deny me if you think you can, but I'll always get my man, and before this night is through--I will corrupt you." "OZYMANDIAS..." "Yes, Lord?" "MY HEIR IS WATCHING MUSIC VIDEOS." "So he is, my Lord." "WHY IS THAT, OZYMANDIAS, THAT I CAN LEAVE YOU IN CHARGE OF AN IMPRESSIONABLE YOUTH, AND YOU ALLOW HIM TO VIEW SUCH--FILTH!?" "Er... I was not aware of what he was watching, my Lord." "YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN! WHY, HIS MIND COULD BE WARPED BY SEX, VIOLENCE AND THE AMERICAN WAY!" "I'm sorry, my Lord, I--" "NO, THERE'S NO HOPE FOR IT. OZYMANDIAS, AS OF THIS MOMENT, YOU'RE FIRED." "I'm sorry, Lord." "BAH. LEAVE." "Da?" "LUKE, MY HEIR, AND HOW ARE YOU TODAY?" "*gurgle* Ozy?" "I HAVE... FIRED OZYMANDIAS. IT SEEMS HE WAS ALLOWING YOU TO WATCH MIND-WARPING PROGRAMS." "...Barney! *giggle* I love you, you chew me, we're a happy fambly..." "ER, YES..." -- A week passed. Luke, the Heir to Apocalypse, continued watching such family favorites as Barney, Teletubbies and Blue's Clues. Apocalypse found his mind slowly being reduced to mush--well, further than it already was. "I LOVE YOU--TELETUBBIES! TELETUBBIES! TIPSY, TINKY-WINKY, DO, A DEER, A FEMALE DEER..." "*giggle*" "SUNNY DAYS--RUBBER DUCKY YOU'RE THE ONE, RUBBER DUCKY--WE'LL HAVE FUNN...." "Dada funny." "LUKE, I AM NOT YOUR FATHER." "Wha?" "I SAID--LOOK, THAT'S IT. I'M REHIRING OZYMANDIAS TO BRING YOU UP--" "Ozy! Ozy!" "THEN AGAIN...." "Ozy! Ozy!" "HAIGHT!" "Yes, m'Lord?" "I WISH FOR YOU TO BRING UP MY HEIR, LUKE, IN THE STYLE BEFITTING AN HEIR TO APOCALYPSE." "Yes, m'Lord." "AND NO MORE TELETUBBIES!" "Yes, m'Lord." "Ozy?" -- -finis-
Contact me © 2002 ALC Punk! |