Stars Falling Grace
by ALC Punk!

"Kara."

She looks at Lee, a little surprised by the agitation. "What?"

"I--look, I may have--"

The announcement comes over the PA. Starbuck to the Commander's quarters. She shoots him a grin and goes.

::You love me::

"I need you to explain what you did for Zak."

The words fall into the cabin, and she doesn't want to answer. Can't answer, because if she does, the one connection she has is gone. The one man who respects her, who GETS her, who understands her...

Starbuck can't allow that.

But his eyes are telling her the lie would be worse than the truth.

So the truth tumbles out.

::We’re a happy family::

I killed your son, sir. She thinks it, but she doesn't say it.

"Walk out of here while you still can."

And Starbuck stares at him, accepts that there is nothing left for her.

Stands there.

Kara doesn't hear the first blow. She doesn't hear any of them until his boot slams into her knee, and she can hear the sickening crack of it as she finally falls. Choking on blood, not making a sound, she wonders if Doc Cottle will believe the excuse of a brawl.

After all. It's not like Starbuck fought back.

::With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you::

Two weeks in the infirmary, and no visitors (except Boomer, but everyone says Boomer's a Cylon, and Boomer left Helo, so Starbuck doesn't give a frak about her anyway), and she's bored as hells. Not even Lee, and Starbuck thinks the Commander ordered him to stay away.

Not that the Commander will ever forgive her, either. But Starbuck likes to think she has hope.

Baltar seems a nice diversion, and he brings her cigars.

And Starbuck has always had a thing for men with beautiful hands. Zak's will always be the best, of course.

::Won’t you say you love me too?::

"Lee."

"Now that's a reaction I'm not used to getting."

"Bad habit."

His mouth tugs at her throat, teeth scraping. "I'll have to break you of it, then."

She lets him try.

::I love you::

He catches her coming out of Baltar's quarters, and she's not sure which time this is. Just that she's glad someone doesn't look at her with disgust.

"What the hell are you doing, Kara?"

There's more. Anger.

And then she hits him and he hits back.

::You love me::

"I'm a screw-up, Lee. Keep that in mind."

The words echo away from her, and she wonders as she swallows blood if he believes them.

"No." His hands catch at her, spin her around.

Don't do this. But she hasn't the right to beg him for anything.

"No, if you can frak him, you might as well frak me. I'm the CAG after all. I should be getting the best pilot under me."

::We’re best friends like friends::

He isn't gentle.

She doesn't want him to be.

It's nothing like the half-remembered fantasy. Baltar had been all control. Lee is just anger and pain that's half-pleasure.

But she retains enough dignity to get herself off before he does.

::Like friends should be::

"Clean yourself up." She looks up at him as he stands, using one of her shirts to wipe himself off, tossing it in her lap. "Then get your ass back on duty, Lieutenant."

"Yes, sir," she manages, fighting back something she refuses to believe are tears.

::With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you::

"Oh, and, Lieutenant, I wouldn't bother mentioning this to anyone." There's something inhumanly cold in his gaze. "After all, I'm the CAG. And--"

"--I'm just a pilot," she agrees dully.

When he's gone, she slides a finger into herself and inspects the resultant fluid. At least she'd had sex recently. No blood.

::Won’t you say you love me too?::

Starbuck finds Apollo three nights later. He's exhausted, she thinks it's the only reason she's doing this, then remembers having to clean bodily fluids out of her shirt. "Hey, Apollo."

His head comes up, and he looks at her. "Kara."

A laugh escapes her, and she steps into his personal space. The first punch is the hardest to complete. Starbuck doesn't want to hit Apollo, but there's a logic here. A synthesis. "The name is Starbuck."

The second punch spins him around, blood spurting.

It takes the third to realize he isn't defending himself and the fourth to bloody her knuckles.

He looks at her for a long moment. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too."

And Starbuck walks away.

-f-

Back to index

© 2005 ALC Punk!