We're Not Really Evil, We're Just Misjudged
by ALC Punk!

It wasn't often that Mainstream characters wandered the streets of Subreality City. But tonight was a full moon, and a most special night. It was the night that made the male villains squeal in terror and hide. Most of them, anyway. It was a night for fashion and glamour and just plain fun.

The Annual Dinner of the Dominatrix Club was happening. This year, it was at the Villain's Bailiwick.

"I had him! The Time Lord was going to give ME the statue!"

"Oh, stubble it, Pein. Here's your beer."

"Thank you, Val." With another huff, Lady Peinforte accepted the mug of ale being handed to her. "And, of course, we're the first here."

Rolling her eyes, Servalan folded her slender frame onto a chair across from the rather flamboyantly dressed woman from the 17th century. "Yes, dear."

"Ah, there you are, girls." A tall aristocratic-looking woman sauntered up to the table and sat her maroon-leather clad self in a chair across from Servalan. "I see we're the first."

"Yes." Servalan smiled brightly. Of the women who would be attending the small gathering that night, only the Rani was any sort of a match for Servalan's scheming brilliance. The two tended to butt heads whenever there was any sort of argument.

It had once ended in both of them drinking the other under the table. To the laughter and encouragement of their fellow female villains.

The Rani smiled and waved to a waiter. "Gin and tonics, please."

"Yes, ma'am." He replied quickly, studying the other seats at the table, "And for the other ladies?"

"Best get a pitcher of beer for Spiral." Servalan replied, "Oh, and a pina colada for Mystique."

"And I'd like a glass of the '97 Merlot." Emma Frost announced, sliding gently into her own seat. She smiled at the others.

The women were drawn from various comics and tv shows, each individual and evil in her own right. The Rani was a Time Lady and tended to run around the galaxy experimenting on 'lesser races'. Emma Frost was the White Queen of the Hellfire Club and practised her telepathic wiles to gain money and position. Servalan worked for the Terran Federation, pushing their agenda of greed and tyranny through-out the galaxy. Lady Peinforte had been very nasty in her time--poisoning, stabbing, blackmailing and then finally trying to control a rather destructive statue.

Mystique is a shape-shifting mutant, skilled with words and guns. The Dark Phoenix--manifestation of the universe's soul--blazed brighter than the sun and destroyed a world of millions. Spiral dances daily with the devil, and wins her peace. Ardra used magician's tricks and force fields to attain her goals. The vampire Drusilla is insane and insatiable in her lust to be whole again. Queen Bavmorda would have killed a child to stay in power. Darla, another vampire, had caused the deaths of thousands on her European reign of terror.

All of these women have one thing in common--the 'good guys' think they're bad. In one way, they are. In others, they're just trying to survive.

Darla and Drusilla wandered in together, both making a beeline for the table. Darla sat with her back to the door, a smirk on her face. Let anyone try to sneak up on her and they were liable to be a nice snack. Drusilla had left Miss Edith behind, this time, and seemed content to hum off-key to herself and occasionally make a comment about the stars talking to her.

The Phoenix wandered in, then, energy flittering around her as she stalked up to the table. The Rani rolled her eyes, "Oh, dampen yourself, girl."

"Sorry." With a contrite look, the Phoenix's flames vanished and in their place was a young woman who looked remarkably like Jean Grey. She grabbed the chair next to Darla and smiled, "You did order me a daquiri, right?"

"I forgot whether you would like the banana or the strawberry," Servalan replied coolly. "And here is our waiter with the drinks."

"She always gets strawberry, you know that, Servalan." Ardra flopped into the seat next to the ersatz Jean. "Heya, Phenie. How goes it?"

"Pretty good." The avatar of omniversial power shrugged, "Could be worse, I guess."

"Yes, she could be on a cancelled show." Muttered the Rani.

Servalan snorted, "Oh, please, Rani, dear, you know you're just whining."

"Val, you had FOUR good years on your show. Me? I was the laughing-stock of the villains. I was there twice, and the second time I went to some bloody planet with furry loonies!"

"I named them all the same, you know," Drusilla crooned into the sudden silence.

"Ladies, please, we mustn't fight. It is beneath us." Darla smiled, her eyes bright, "Anyway, I've just been ressurected in the most horrid fashion."

"Hey, I don't think any of you can talk. At least ALL of you came back in one form or another." Ardra snapped, gesturing with the straw from her cherry pepsi.

"You, my dear, did not get destroyed by your own ritual, however." Bavmorda, Queen of Nockmaar regally sat in the chair next to Drusilla.

Spiral and Mystique sauntered into the bar, then, and chatter among the ladies turned to general plots and ploys.

The drink flowed, and the ladies laughed and giggled merrily, and then dinner was served and they quieted slightly. Their corner of the Villain's Bailiwick was supremely untouched by the normal goings-on in the rest of the room. No Sinisters drunkenly approached them. No Marauders tried to kill them. In fact, no one except the waiter approached them at all.

Until they were having drinks and dessert. And then two women walked into the room and stalked towards the silent corner. One was a tallish redhead, the hair flowing down her back. She wore a sort of abbreviated battle dress in a nice copper colour. The other was a bit shorter, black hair in several complicated braids down her back. She was clad in a dark grey, threaded through with silver.

They moved with a purpose, and a deadly grace. Each confident in their own skills and power. Lady Morgaine, the redhead, had commanded battalions for over a thousand years. Her companion, the Queen of Air and Darkness, had been around and in charge of her people for far longer.

As they reached the corner, Servalan looked up and nodded to them, "Morgaine, M'lady."

"You've eaten without us." The Dark Lady was neither pleased nor displeased with this.

"Sorry, M'lady." Mystique rolled her eyes, "Not all of us have as tight a schedule as you. We did plan this a year in advance, you know."

"Yes." The Queen gave a wry smile and slid into the seat next to Spiral. "Well, something came up. I ran into Morgaine on my way down."

Morgaine chuckled and swiped the Rani's gin and tonic. "Yes, some of my men were getting riled about the news that they might get put into a movie soon. Again." She rolled her eyes, "How many times are they going to taunt them, do you think?"

"As many as possible." Ardra replied, waving a hand at the waiter. "Order food, m'dears."

"Shouldn't we call this meeting to order?" Darla asked.

"Nah, let them order, first. Try the veal parmesan." Ardra suggested.

The Dark Lady shuddered, "Not to my taste, thank you. I'll just have a nice mulled wine and some apple slices. I ate already." She smiled slightly. "But dessert sounds lovely."

Spiral was the newest member of the small group, and so sat mostly silently through the next few minutes. She was observing her fellow villains and wondering how they got where they were. Of course, none of them worked for Mojo...

"I've eaten a nice old man. He tasted a bit old, but aged well." Supplied the brunette Drusilla at that moment. Spiral blinked at her. She was the closest to Spiral in mindset, really. Insane and childish.

"That's nice, dear." Bavmorda patted her hand and waved a hand at Morgaine, "Hallo, luv. Kingdom doing well?"

"Bite me, Bav." Morgaine replied with a smile.

Neither of the two women actually had a kingdom anymore. Bavmorda had lost hers when she discorporated, and Morgaine was arrested by British police. She was currently in a Maximum Security wing. Somewhere in the Isles. They liked to pick at each other, sometimes, when completely smashed, they would dare the other to come up with the most ridiculous strategy for getting their kingdoms back.

Bavmorda's suggestion that Morgaine become a street walker had sent the entire table to the floor in giggles.

Still, the two women were the best of friends. Sort of. Especially when drunken Apocalypses tried to pick them up. Somehow, he never got that survival of the fittest turned no-one on.

It happened rarely that someone tried to go after the Queen of Air and Darkness. She sort of exuded an air that said she'd kill anyone who tried. Although there had been an unfortunate late-night encounter with the Master, once. He'd never been the same since.

The waiter came over with another round of drinks and found that one of his patrons had collapsed under the table. Ardra wasn't normally a cheap drunk, but she'd been feeling rather blue lately. With careful precision, the other ladies helped her back up and the waiter summoned Nigel to carry the lady to the guest chamber she'd hired.

More time and drink passed by. The waiter came by a few times as the Bailiwick began to close down and quietly informed the ladies that they needed to start packing up. Last call went through around what was probably 3 am, Latverian time.

By then, Lady Peinforte, Servalan and the Rani were nearly asleep. Drusilla was asleep, curled up on top of the table, her thumb in her mouth. Darla occasionally stroked her hair. Bavmorda and Morgaine were playing chess, occasionally zapping the board so that the pieces changed colour and shape.

Spiral and Mystique were quietly chatting over their respective male woes. Spiral's with Longshot, and Mystique's with Forge. Every so often, Darla would mutter comments about Angelus and how she missed him. Emma would roll her eyes at that and mutter about moving on. The Phoenix sort of listed to the side, having consumed her weight in hard liquor.

It was to the Queen of Air and Darkness that the waiter came to the final time. His attempt to remove the Ladies so the staff could close down the club and refurbish it were finally met with a response.

"What was that, you asked?"

"I said, could you ladies please leave?"

"Ah." The Dark Lady smiled at him, "I thought you had."

Everett nodded, finally glad to see he had gotten through to one of them. They were venerable old dames, many having been around for centuries. But they still needed to abide by the rules of his establishment. He suddenly realised something odd. He was seeing things from two places at once.

One was the place where he was standing, smiling at the Queen. The other was from a place slightly further up, and looked down on himself and the Queen. He frowned. His body lay on the floor, swiftly turning into so much ash as the Queen turned back to the table. Apparently, she hadn't liked his insistence. Oh, well. It would be their fault if the roof fell on them, or something.

And he floated away.

Bavmorda nodded approvingly at the Queen, "Nice discreet usage of that spell, m'dear."

"Yes, couldn't have done it better m'self," Morgaine agreed, then yelped as she turned back to the board, "Bav! Scarlet and green do NOT go together!"

"I have but one question," Darla said softly to the Queen, "Why him?"

"You didn't notice? My dear, he was a pooka." She smiled serenely.

"Yes, but that pooka was one of my students," Emma pointed out haughtily.

"Sorry, my dear, but the last time a pooka and I met, his lover defeated me. Revenge is... oh so sweet."

Emma sighed, "Yes, but he wasn't the same pooka."

"I'm amused, we're arguing ethics." The blonde vampiress chuckled, "What next, meeting on Sundays for a spot of tea while we knit?"

"Hell, I hope not." Spiral snorted, "I joined the League because it seemed to have women who understood in it. I do NOT knit."

"Not even when dancing?" The Phoenix asked archly, "I know you knit time and space, I've seen it."

"Well, not the yarn kind."

There was a general murmur of agreement. And then silence descended as Servalan straightened and nodded to the Rani.

The Rani cleared her throat, "Well, ladies, we've met again, for another long night of drinking and carousing. And, I think it's time we turned in."

"Or moved to another pub!" Ardra was back, and awake. And half-draped over Madelyne Pryor. "This lady says there are quite a few nice ones about."

Madelyne rolled her eyes and smiled, "Sorry I didn't make the dinner, girls, but, pressing business to attend to."

"Oh, yeah, wasn't there something about you being dead? Again?" The Phoenix looked at Drusilla, "If we go, shouldn't we wake her?"

"I named the stars all Fred. There's terrible confusion. Miss Edith? Oh, dear, it's time for her nappies." Drusilla awoke and stretched, and then blinked at them all, "A new drinkies place? Let's go."

-=finis=-

Ahem. Disclaimery stuff...

Kielle created Subreality. I have it on good authority that Falstaff created the Villain's Bailiwick.

And the Ladies, from the top:
Lady Peinforte is from Doctor Who, episode Silver Nemesis.
The Rani is from Doctor Who, episodes The Mark of the Rani and Time and the Rani.
Servalan is from Blake's 7, where she was evil and nasty and very keen for four years (basically, the entire run).
Spiral, Mystique, The Dark Phoenix, Madelyne Pryor, Emma Frost and Everett Thomas you should recognise from various X-books.
Darla and Drusilla are the two female vampire baddies from Buffy: the Vampire Slayer.
Queen Bavmorda is the evil witch from Willow.
The Queen of Air and Darkness is Rossi's fault, since I'd gone to find Willow and couldn't, and instead returned with my copy of Emma Bull's War for the Oaks. Which is where she's from.
Ardra is from the really bad episode of Star Trek: the Next Generation called... Devil's Due.
Lady Morgaine can be laid at many Arthurian Legend's doors (with several spellings of her name) but this version is from the Doctor Who episode Battlefield.

Incidently, Jean Marsh is the actress who portrayed both Bavmorda and Morgaine.

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