Dedicated to the #plotting crew. And the #subcafe crew. And Erin, who first made me filk. Evil woman.

Alphabet Soup 4/13

by ALC Punk!

"Hello, Bridge. Tell me, your first name *is* George, isn't it?"

Blinking, the man in her chair put down the script he was reading and studied her. "Why?"

"Well... I need a George." Val replied as she walked to the chair across from the desk and sat down.

"A... George. For?"

"That script you were so casually reading as I walked in." Val replied gesturing at the script in his hand.

Five minutes and several negotiations later, Val led the way to the studio, deposited Bridge and went in search of her second player.

"Gambit don' wan' do this."

"Gambit has no choice," Val replied evenly. She was right. Professor Xavier had given the project his A-OK. She smiled sweetly at Gambit. "Come this way, sir."

They walked down the hall, Gambit muttering under his breath in French. Several X-Men tagged along, out of curiosity--or amusement.

"Cajun."

"Bridge."

The two players nodded at each other and Val looked in at the tech.

She was looking a bit more worn, but still managed to get the sound checks and cue the music.

Bridge flipped through the script one last time, then began, "Juh, juh, juh..."

"Hey, listen, eve'ybody. D'ya hear a strange sound? Gambit, do." Gambit stopped for a moment and Bridge's voice was still softly making "juh, juh." sounds. "Hey George, what is t'at sound you are making?"

"Oh, Hi Gambit, I'm making the sound of the next letter of the alphabet, the letter G. Y'see, my name begins with the letter G and it makes that sound. G-g-george."

The music began on cue and Gambit responded, "B-b-but my name begins with G too but it sounds like this, G-g-gambit."

And then Gambit began to sing, "G, Gambit."

"Er, no," Bridge objected. "G, George."

"Nuh-uh, mon ami, G, Gugenheim."

"No. G, gaol."

"G, gallant."

"G, germaine."

"No, no I think this is right Georgie. G, golden."

Bridge was looking vaguely murderous about the 'Georgie'. "And, G, gentian. Hey, Gambit."

"What, Georgie?"

"Call me that again, and I will hurt you. There are two G sounds."

"But it's in de script! I must agree. There is G, good guy."

Someone in the studio muttered, "Not Gambit, then."

"And, G, genius." Bridge sang.

Someone else mumbled, "Washu, you are the greatest scientific genius in the universe!"

"One sound for you," Gambit sang huskily. "And, one sound for me. G, Gambit." He looked slightly sickened by now.

"G, George. G, Gambit." Bridge shared that semi-sickened expression.

"G, George," Gambit drew the last note out a trifle, then stopped.

"Gee," Bridge began.

"CUT!" Val called, stepping on to the dais and smiling. "Thank you, gentlemen." They gave her somewhat horrified looks and carefully got up and left, the others trailing after them. "Oh! Dr. McCoy!"

"Frankly, Madame, I'm a doctor, not a singer." The blue-furred gentleman rejoined as he looked back over his shoulder at her, lips stretched in a grin.

"Well, I was wondering if you'd like to help on the next..." Val's voice trailed off as she began flipping through the scripts, searching for H. "AH! Here, read this."

The gentleman scientist perused the script and began grinning harder, "May I make a suggestion, Madame organiser?"

"Yes, by all means."

"Let me find my two other scientifically inclined colleagues and we shall endeavor to best each other in pulling this off." He nodded and left before she could answer.

Valerie took the moment to shove a hand through her hair and sigh. It had so far gone fairly well--though, the mouse and Jubilee on the table had been rather strange. And, hopefully, it would be done. Soon. She wandered over and stuck her head in the booth. "Hello?"

No response. She frowned and searched the small room for the technician. The girl was nowhere to be found. [How odd.] She turned away and leaned over, feeling her back pop in protest, then froze. Something behind her had creaked.

"Ms. Cooper?" The technician sounded a bit more awake, now. Val turned and looked at her.

"Have you got the music cued?"

"Yes. How much longer will it be till--"

The door to the studio opened again and Henry McCoy bounded in trailed by Hank Pym, Bruce Banner and most of the Avengers. "As I said, m'lady, I've brought our contestants."

"Oh, good. Are you gentlemen ready?" Val felt relieved as well as curious. She had planned the H song to just mimic the original. McCoy appeared to want to do something more.

"Yes. Places and sound checks away, people."

Val settled herself in the comfortable chair and watched as everyone assembled themselves.

"Is everyone ready?" Hank asked.

"Yes!" They all replied, several rolling their eyes, but conforming.

"What's the next letter of the alphabet?"

"H!"

"OK. Let's everyone sing this one. Here we go." McCoy waved and the technician started the music. "The letter H song with all those funny words that start up with a 'huh' sound. Bruce Banner, you go first."

Banner nodded, cleared his throat and began, "Well, a
Hulk ate a handkerchief, a hammer and a hoe
He ate a hundred herring and a hawk who said 'Hello'
This Hulk, he ate a pickle jar, a house and then a log
And then he got the hiccups and he turned into a hog!"
Banner laughed softly, "I like that."

"Ha ha ha ha ho ho hee
That's about as funny as it can be
Hee hee hee hee ha ha ho
H is the letter that we love so!" McCoy led them in the rambunctious chorus.

"Right, Henry, it's your turn."

"A horse named Harvey Highersoup was hiking up the hill
And then he met a halibut who went to Honkerville
He had to play harmonica, and honked another horn
So they hooted and they honked until the night became the morn." Pym laughed.

"Hey, I like that!" Called someone in the Avenger crowd.

Everyone proceeded to boisterously sing the chorus, and Val frowned slightly. So far, the verses and chorus were as they had been. Hank had made it sound as if he was planning to change them. She shrugged, [Ah, well.]

"Ha ha ha ha ho ho hee
That's about as funny as it can be
Hee hee hee hee ha ha ho
H is the letter that we love so!"

"Oh, Henry Horticulturist went hopping in the air
Until he hit a stable and got horsey on his hair
This handsome horticulturist, I strongly must confess,
Was not a happy horta, but a horta-culture-est..."
Hank finished, his teeth gleaming.

Everyone groaned loudly and Banner snickered. "Hulk, not like!"

Val was snickering as they went through the chorus again.

"Ha ha ha ha ho ho hee
That's about as funny as it can be
Hee hee hee hee ha ha ho
H is the letter that we love so!"

The music ended with a flourish and Banner yelled again, "Hulk, SMASH!"

"NO!" The technician came running out of her room and stood in front of Banner. "Hulk will NOT smash!"

"No, he shall not." Hank McCoy caught Banner's arm and led him from the room, several others trailing and snickering.

-- tbc

Part Five
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