Dedication: To all the IRCers, and to Paul for making me finish it. ;)

Alphabet Soup 9/13

by ALC Punk!

The technician was looking like she was sleeping on her feet, still, they needed her talents.

"Now the letter after P is Q." Crystal announced cheerily. "And one word that begins with Q is 'question.'"

"Now here is a question,
A question for you
Remember, the answer
Will start with a Q." She sang.

"What's a Q?" Pietro asked sardonically.

"Is that you? Oh hi, Pietro."

"Hi." If Quicksilver could have sounded less enthusiastic, he'd be dead. Val kept herself from yelling at him only by remembering that it was good to have his voice on board. Or was that bored?

"Q is the letter of the alphabet that looks like an O with a little tail at the bottom."

"Oh! Now I remember. You can start the song again."

"Thanks, Pietro."

"You're welcome."

Crystal began to sing again.
"Now here is a question,
A question for you.
Remember, the answer
Will start with a Q.
Just think of a duck,
Be it white, brown, or black.
What sound does it make?
Why, a duckie goes..."

"Mooooooooooo!"

"No, Pietro. A duckie goes 'Quack!'" Crystal snorted, "'Quack' is a Q word.
The answer is 'Quack.'"

"Oh. OK."

"But, Pietro..."

"Hmm?"

"Try this one."

"OK."

"Now here is a question,
A question for you.
Remember, the answer
Will start with a Q.
In stores, you find milk
In containers of sorts.
But what do you call them?
You call these things..."

"Cows."

"No, that's not right! The answer is 'Quarts'!" Crystal gave him a somewhat exasperated look.
"'Quarts' is a Q word.
The answer is 'Quarts.'"

Crystal shifted on her stool and glared at Pietro, "Now what made you think of cows?"

"I don't know. I think I heard one go 'Moo' a minute ago."

"Pietro?

"Hrm?"

"Forget about the cow."

"OK."

"Now here is a question,
A question for you.
And once more, the answer
Begins with a Q.
Remember a king
In a story you've seen.
To whom was he married?
He's wed to a..."

"Farmer."

"No, that's not right, the answer is 'Queen.'" Crystal looked more than exasperated. She looked vaguely murderous.
"'Queen' is a Q word.
The answer is 'Queen.'"

"Gee! I thought it was a farmer."

"What farmer?"

"You know, the one who brought the cow in here."

"Pietro?" Crystal's voice sounded downright testy.

"Hrm?"

"I've had quite enough, I quit!" And she jumped up and stalked from the studio, flashing Val a nasty look.

"Hmm. Oh well. O.K. Come on, Bova. Let's go home." Quicksilver said into the sudden silence.

------

It was this letter R thing that was giving her the headache. Val was sure of it. Nothing else could have caused her head to start pounding as she was turned down by person after person. Not everyone was happy with the idea of reciting the alphabet for children, mutants, and publicity.

"Sod off." Wisdom was always short and to the point. Well, maybe not short, as he was semi-tall. But terse.

"I'm afraid, I can't, m'dear." Dooom had said when she'd cornered the erstwhile ruler of Latveria.

"Kitty has already acceded to a request, I, personally, would not feel comfortable doing one." Kurt Wagner had been firm.

"You've already used me twice!" Bobby retorted. "No more!"

Kylun was more willing. He'd seemed a bit wary, but eventually acquiesced. That was great. Except, she still couldn't figure out who to use as the main character. She desperately needed someone. Someone fun. Someone with a sense of humour. She yelped as her walk across the floor was interrupted by bumping into someone.

"Sorry, Val." A voice rumbled. Logan. Her mind clicked.

"Logan, babe, hon, pal, pleeeeease do this little skit for me?"

The short hairy Canadaian threw back his head and laughed. "Val, I haven't seen you this desperate in a long time."

"Desperate? Why would you think that?"

"'Cause you're breathing rather quickly and your eyes aren't meeting mine."

Val attempted to calm down a bit. Deep breaths. In, out. In, out. "Well, Logan, I'd REALLY--"

"Like to owe me. Give me that script, Darlin' and we'll see." She handed it over, heart in her mouth.

Holding her breath, Val watched him peruse it. He snorted once, chuckled another time, then finally looked back at her.

"I'll do it."

[Thank GOD.] Her mind cheered. "Thank you. Now, to find--AH!"

Bishop saw her approaching and seemed to sigh. "Mr. Bishop, I was wondering if... I know I've already had you do one, but..."

"Yes, Ms. Cooper, I'll help." All of the X-Men had been ordered to comply with Cooper, and he really hated that fact, but couldn't get away.

"Well, then, Mr. Bishop, if you'll follow Logan and I. I believe Mr. Kylun is already set up. . ."

----

"Ha! Well, this machine knows what letter comes next. I put this here..." Logan said, as Kylun made weird sounds--kind of like a machine being repaired.

"Hi there, Logan. What's that machine you're working on?" Bishop asked.

"Oh hi, Bishop. This is my latest invention, my automatic R detector."

More tinkering sounds from Kylun

"No kidding."

"Yeah. Anytime this machine hears an R or an R word, it rings a bell. I'll start it up for you now...."

Sound of a machine starting from Kylun. A slight whirring.

"Wow! Look at that machine go." Bishop enthused. Not.

"Now if you'll just say something that begins with R..."

Kylun dings like a bell.

"What was that?"

"Oh, I just said R."

Another ding from Kylun.

"And when you say R (and again, Kylun dings), the bell rings." (ditto) Logan concluded.

"Hey! You said 'rings' (Kylun rings) which begins with R." (ditto)

"Right." (ditto)

"Why, that's remarkable! (ding, ding) Hey!" Bishop laughed softly. "That's fun. Let me tell it an R riddle." (ding, ding)

"OK. Just don't go too fast. I don't know what'll happen if the machine gets going too fast." Logan cautioned.

"OK. Listen to this, machine: Remy really raised rabbits while Rogue rode the red reindeer. If Remy's rabbits raised a racket, why did Rogue's reindeer run the rabbits ragged?"

Kylun dinged nineteen times, then gasped for breath. Logan looked at him a bit worriedly.

"Hey, hey! Don't talk so fast. The machine is beginning to smoke."

"Well, I only have one last poem here." Bishop adjured.

"Yeah, yeah, but listen, bub..."

"Robert rolled reddish radishes round the ring of rubber rubbish..."
Kylun dinged seven times and then began wheezing and moaning. He suddenly let loose a last 'ding' and then made an exploding sound.

"Hey, hey, wait! Hold it!....Wait!....Now look what you did!" Logan glared.

"Oh my! The machine looks ruined."

A dispirited ding came from Kylun.

"Rats!" Logan grumbled.

"Boioioioing." said Kylun.

"Cut! Thanks guys." Val stepped into the area and looked worriedly at Kylun. "Will you be all right?"

"Yes *gasp* Just need a *gasp* breath or two."

"Well, Val, we're done. I'll be seeing you."

Val nodded at Logan and Bishop. "Again, thank you, gentlemen."

-- tbc

Part Ten
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